This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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