all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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