These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
