She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
