I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize