Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize