Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
