You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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