Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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