I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
