what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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