is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
