the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize