ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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