No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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