Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
