i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
