My Higher Power is John Stamos
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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