yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
