We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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