well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
