do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
