trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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