really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
