You smell like stripper and shame
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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