Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
we should paint friendship bongs
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