What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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