there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
