I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
