If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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