He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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