M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
