Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
