i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
