Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
