marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
