OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
