I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
