You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize