so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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