We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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