careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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