he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
