This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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