He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
