i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
