Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize