I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
