If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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