Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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