I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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