put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
