Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
