The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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