No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
