i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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