Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think your dad took our porno
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
