We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
