she woke up with a sticky ear
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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