my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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