ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This toilet bowl is my home.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
