I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
