I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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