You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
