atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
