1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
