I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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