I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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