I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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