My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
