Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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