I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
