All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
