so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
