why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
