I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
