She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
