So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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