Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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