God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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