cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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