Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
