so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
