My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize