I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
