chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
