I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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