Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
