i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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