I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
