What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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