...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
