eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
