theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
