i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
