Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
