You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize