im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
