Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A bitchslap is in order.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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